Kirk is the best person alive for bringing me pepto, popsicles, jell-o, water and applesauce in my sick time of need.

Last night...

Me: (Looking outside at the snow) Wow, it's already 1 to 2 inches...
Friends: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

So awesome without context.

Me: I fight naked people all the time.

(FYI, the context was when talking about a game where buying clothes for your avatar meant you had less money for sweet killing power.)

me: Can I just tell you I am in a d&d mood
Spinch: If you moved out here, you could join our group! Except we're moving back to Vampire: The Masquerade soon. BUT STILL RPG.
me: What race are the twilight vamps? Harhar
Spinch: The easily killed one. "I'm sparkly and super strong!"
Spinch: "I can dominate you and make you walk into a campfire. Advantage: ME."
me: Dude seriously. Please? At least roll a joke char
Spinch: I might roll that up.
me: Omg hero. HERO.
Spinch: I think he'd have to be a Brujah (Celerity, Fortitude, that strength one). And I'm sure I could use merits and flaws to min-max him.
Flaw: Sparkles.
Merit: Daywalker.
Flaw: Obsession (Awkward Teenage Girls)
Flaw: Feeding Exclusion: Only feeds from animals.
me: merit: many highschool diplomas?
Spinch: That'd have to be worth at least a point of knowledge.

More weird convos

Me: So... I had this guy saying he wanted to get to know "that person" better - I didn't realize he meant ME.
... So I suggested water boarding
LOL, WTF is wrong with me?
and then I said he'd have to have a list of questions ready because he'd feel like a fool wasting that torture
and he's like, "Well what do you consider a waste?"
Then I said, "I guess no torture is wasted torture. Touche. Very deep.

No, I have no idea what I'm talking about anymore. But honestly, if you went through the trouble of getting all the water boarding stuff set up and then forgot what you wanted to learn, that would be pretty embarrassing. I bet your torture buddies wouldn't let you live that one down. "Hey, remember the time Johnson ..." you know."

Amy: Oh wow! HAHA, I'm glad I'm not the only one making a fool out of myself.

Me: You're wasting torture? Amy! There are poor children in Africa who don't get to water board anyone!
Finish your water boarding!

Amy Rose: Forgive me Jessicas for I have sinned
Me: What did you do, Ray?
Amy Rose: Some things I haven't in a while
Me: LOL! 3 Hail Maries.
Amy Rose: I don't know Hail Maries. How about 3 Bloody Maries?
Me: I'm not Catholic, but that sounds right.

Awesome Conversations

I have some pretty fantastic gems in my conversations with others. Since I have nothing else of value to add to the internet, and I'm often sad more people aren't privy to these conversations, I have found the perfect way to remedy these both!

Amy: I did pester him a little about seeing his place.
He keeps saying "soon"
Me: His wife needs to move out first
omg, just kidding
Amy: Bluebeard, maybe?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bluebeard
Me: wow yours was so much worse than mine
Amy: It was, wasn't it" ;)
Me: LOL
And you're still going to go over...
Bravo
Amy: I am a brave woman. A brave, stupid woman.
Me: Get some mace
and I don't mean this guy:
http://urbanfrugalchic.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/mase.jpg
Amy: Ha!
Amy: I have nothing to be ashamed of. Let me rephrase... I am not ashamed of anything.